Learning How to be Patient: the Marshmallow Experiment

If someone offered you a marshmallow now, but promised you two marshmallows if you just waited 15 minutes more, what would you do? There’s always the chance you don’t like marshmallows. But let’s say you love them. Would you prefer to snack on one right away, or remain patient enough to double your treat?

More than 20 years ago, a group of boys and girls, between the ages of three and six, were presented with this choice as part of an experiment. It was nicknamed the Stanford Marshmallow Experiment. No one paid much attention to it at first. But about 10 years later, the researchers contacted the children who took part in the test. They asked both the kids and their parents some questions and learned something interesting! Some of the kids who chose to wait 15 minutes (to get the extra treat) were doing better on tests. Could there be a connection between waiting and future success?

Some scientists believe there is no connection, but other researchers believe patience made the difference. The students who waited for the extra treat were more patient. That extra patience helped students in other parts of their lives too, like studying and learning.

What else could make a difference?

Since the Marshmallow Experiment, other scientists have conducted similar tests on more kids. Sometimes the kids get to choose a different snack, like animal crackers or pretzels. But the basic test was the same for everyone involved. They could choose to eat one treat right away. Or, if they waited for 15 minutes they got extra treats. When scientists checked in with the kids and their parents years later, some of the kids who waited for the extra treat were doing better on tests, but not as many as with the first marshmallow experiment.

Those researchers looked at other factors that might make a difference. In some cases, kids who didn’t wait for the extra treat had a good reason not to wait. They believed they would not get the better treat later. They didn’t trust the people who asked them to wait! Researchers realized children’s attitudes made a big difference.

Does patience help you plan for success?

If, when you first started reading this, you thought you would rather eat your snack right away, that’s OK. The good news is that we can all learn how to be more patient.

“Patience is like a muscle,” says Dr. Parker Huston, a psychologist who works with kids. He says you can stretch your patience and make it stronger.

“People get frustrated from three main areas of their lives,” he says. First, people who are ill get frustrated by the sickness. (That’s pretty reasonable.) Second, friends or family maybe say or do things that seem frustrating. Third, daily hassles like when things go wrong can be frustrating.

For example, you may be mad at your friend who said something hurtful. When you get frustrated by friends, do you say something hurtful in response? You may get upset if you can’t find your homework. You may feel frustrated if your favorite necklace is tangled, and you can’t get the knot out.

“Think about the times you get most frustrated and write a list,” suggests Dr. Huston. This way, you’ll be prepared for those frustrating times. Then, the next time something happens that makes you lose your patience, try taking two deep breaths and count backwards from ten to one. By learning to wait before you respond, you will increase your patience. Athletes get stronger by lifting a small amount of weight at first, and then gradually increasing the amount. You can strengthen your patience in the same way.

Take a breath and keep an open mind.

In a book called Mindset, the author Carol Dweck says some people get frustrated when they try something new. If they can’t do it right away, they give up! Instead of giving up, Dweck says people need to realize some things require practice. She explains that open-minded people ask questions, learn more, and try again. Many activities, from playing a sport to learning to play a musical instrument, require practice. When you practice, you will make mistakes. By asking for help and trying again, you will get better. Learning to try again is another way to increase your patience.

But back to the marshmallow. If you’d choose to eat it right away, that’s fine. Maybe you’re the type of person who doesn’t think you’ll really get a second treat later. Or maybe marshmallows are your favorite snack. If you’re the type that would choose to wait, perhaps it’s because you’re not hungry. Or you prefer your marshmallows toasted into a s’more. Whatever your choice, stay open minded and learn to practice patience. No matter where your future takes you, patience can help you get there.